


John/Aradia Inappropriate Intermission

by PlayTheRain



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:00:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayTheRain/pseuds/PlayTheRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Aradia act out of character for the sake of gratuitous sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John/Aradia Inappropriate Intermission

JOHN: hey.  
JOHN: aradia, was it?  
ARADIA: yes  
JOHN: can i ask you something.  
JOHN: why are you suddenly kissing me.  
JOHN: and putting your tongue into my mouth.  
JOHN: oh and putting your hands on my boy junk, that too.  
ARADIA: :)  
JOHN: are you a sex crazed troll.  
JOHN: like one of those sexy alien megaslut supremes that fulfill every nerd dreams.  
JOHN: as if it was a natural substitute to saying "take me to your leader."  
ARADIA: i dont like to think of myself in those terms  
ARADIA: but i do try to be nice to people!  
JOHN: dammit.  
JOHN: ok, could you just... maybe...  
JOHN: give me an idea of what it is you actually want out of all this?   
ARADIA: i think i mostly want to see what happens when you fuck me senseless!  
JOHN: oh my god, you are so insane!  
JOHN: hey.  
JOHN: you’re actually serious about this.  
JOHN: ouch don’t pull so hard ok, i’m sitting down.  
JOHN: look if you want my pants off i’m just gonna help you.  
JOHN: because.  
JOHN: it’s pretty hard to say anything in opposition to being pushed down by an alien babe that goes straight for the fellatio.  
JOHN: yes exactly like that.  
ARADIA: i try to please  
JOHN: wow you really like doing this kinda stuff.  
ARADIA: of course i do!  
ARADIA: i love all my friends  
JOHN: i know but.  
JOHN: for some reason i expect a defiant stare in this situation.  
JOHN: like it’s part of the job description of when sucking dicks to communicate just how much you’re unhappy about it.  
JOHN: like some kind of fellatio death glare maybe?  
JOHN: but on the other hand you’re pretty much smiling as if your birthday party came early.  
ARADIA: do i seem cheerful about this  
JOHN: kinda!  
ARADIA: i apologize if that is the way i am appearing to you!  
JOHN: don’t apologize.  
JOHN: just keep doing the thing.  
JOHN: that thing that you’re doing with your tongue.  
JOHN: yes that’s perfect right there don’t stop.  
JOHN: wow your tongue is so long.  
JOHN: are all alien tongues like this.  
JOHN: ok just for the records this feels pretty good.  
JOHN: my insides are turning into a gooey mess like i’m the human version of a fruit gushers.  
JOHN: you’re so into this.  
JOHN: it’s hard to believe you’re not evil.  
JOHN: like those foxy vixens that are always side by side with the villain of a story.  
JOHN: you can tell they’re evil-aligned because they’re sexually liberated.  
JOHN: also they always end up falling for the hero.  
JOHN: who of course has the duty to fuck the evil vixen in order to turn her to good.  
JOHN: wait.  
JOHN: this isn’t what is actually happening here right.  
JOHN: like me fucking you is part of all the weird plot shit around these parts.  
JOHN: to be honest i don’t even know what is going on anymore in this story.  
ARADIA: :)  
ARADIA: you must realize that it is only by the grace of the horrorterrors that we have been allowed to continue existing for so long  
ARADIA: so please believe that i take it to heart that we make our allocated time as pleasant as possible  
ARADIA: and  
ARADIA: it is fair to say this attitude should naturally lead to recreational sex  
ARADIA: i think of it has a matter of keeping things tidy and in order  
ARADIA: in the end everyone’s budding sex hormones should be put to a good use  
JOHN: aradia  
JOHN: you say the weirdest things during your sexy time.  
JOHN: it’s almost turning me off.  
JOHN: and that’s one hell of a challenge.  
JOHN: when i’m receiving an impromptu blowjob from a buxom fairy nympho alien.  
JOHN: say.  
JOHN: do you have a lot of experience doing this stuff  
JOHN: like do you do this to every nerd you mean  
JOHN: that your kinda fetish?  
ARADIA: i would not answer this question directly  
ARADIA: you must not think of me as uncaring to our mutual sexual interests  
ARADIA: due to the load of my previous experiences  
ARADIA: i value each and everyone of my encounter and view them as important part of doing my job  
ARADIA: which i compare to housekeeping  
ARADIA: a maid should always be ready to please her lord in bed, so to speak :)  
JOHN: i don’t really care about dicksucking philosophy just don’t stop okay.  
JOHN: can i just say.  
JOHN: i’m so glad that trolls have horns.  
JOHN: yours are pretty much shaped for this job.  
JOHN: pretty handie i would say.  
JOHN: it’s like i’m directly behind the wheels of this sex act and not being sexually assaulted.  
ARADIA: coincidentally  
ARADIA: i am not fully an expert on the spectrum of human equipment  
ARADIA: but your size reminds me of our own heir  
JOHN: you had an heir too?  
ARADIA: yes we were quite involved together in fact  
JOHN: wow.  
ARADIA: although i was dead at the time  
JOHN: that’s not weird at all.  
ARADIA: i find it quite pleasant to find myself entangled with an heir anew  
ARADIA: perhaps it is partly why i warmed up to you so promptly  
JOHN: i don’t think you can call it warming up.  
JOHN: when you put your tongue in my mouth and touch my junk.  
JOHN: after we exchange one look  
JOHN: so hey do you just go and sex up every heir you see.  
JOHN: is that the thing you do.  
JOHN: or that other people do.  
JOHN: hooking up based on those silly titles that sburbs give us.  
JOHN: and basically.  
JOHN: treating casual sex like another minigame thrown at us by the great omniscient skaia in the sky.  
JOHN: oh god don’t slow down, i’m so close!  
JOHN: you can’t stop now!  
ARADIA: i am not stopping  
ARADIA: i am only turning around to offer you something better  
ARADIA: i’m so wet  
ARADIA: i think it’s about time you fuck me :)  
JOHN: aradia  
JOHN: your slut talk and happy emoticons are a killer combo.  
JOHN: it’s almost enough to make me burst right here and now.  
JOHN: how can two keyboard keys be such a turn on.  
JOHN: ok.  
JOHN: up i go and down you go, doggy style works i guess  
JOHN: feels kinda weird to fuck someone with prop wings.  
JOHN: woah!  
JOHN: are you kidding me.  
JOHN: these wings are actually organic and alive.  
JOHN: ok i have to stop getting distracted.  
JOHN: let me just pull off those pants and underwears.  
JOHN: are these minecraft panties?  
JOHN: i don’t even wanna know.  
JOHN: wow you weren’t kidding about being wet!  
JOHN: it’s like the niagara falls in there.  
JOHN: well i don’t have any awesome porno actor one liner to deliver.  
JOHN: so i’m not gonna make any ceremony about shoving my dick into your scary squirmish alien hole thing.  
JOHN: because at this point i would put it into absolutely anything.  
JOHN: so here i go.  
ARADIA: oh  
ARADIA: oh YES  
ARADIA: YES YES YES  
ARADIA: MORE  
ARADIA: I’M SO HAPPY TO BE ALIVE  
JOHN: i guess that feels good?  
JOHN: it must be, your fairy wings are twitching  
JOHN: i’m going faster is that alright  
ARADIA: YES YES YES OH SKAIA YES YES  
ARADIA: FUCK THIS CAVE  
JOHN: you mean, your love cave?  
ARADIA: NO I MEAN  
ARADIA: FUCK THIS CAVE  
ARADIA: FUCK LORD ENGLISH AND FUCK THESE ANCESTRAL GHOSTS AND FUCK PARADOX SPACE  
ARADIA: AND FUCK ME  
ARADIA: FUCK ME HARD  
JOHN: you’re saying some weird ass things aradia  
JOHN: i’m not trying to be picky.  
JOHN: mostly because i’m having fullblown sex with a sexy alien girl.  
JOHN: but damn.  
ARADIA: HARDER  
ARADIA: FUCK ME LIKE YOU OWN ME  
ARADIA: BREAK ME LIKE A BAD SERVANT  
ARADIA: USE ME AND THROW ME AWAY LIKE A DIRTY RAG  
ARADIA: AND  
ARADIA: KILL ME  
JOHN: what.  
ARADIA: MURDER ME, RIP ME TO SHREDS AND CUM ON MY CORPSE  
ARADIA: FUCK ME UNTIL I DIE  
ARADIA: OVER AND OVER  
JOHN: oh god i can’t.  
JOHN: i’m  
JOHN: coming  
JOHN: urrrggg.  
ARADIA: YESSSSS  
JOHN: psshhhh.  
JOHN: just let me.  
JOHN: flop on the ground.  
JOHN: and try to think about nothing.  
JOHN: just, nothing at all.  
JOHN: i’m not gonna lie.  
JOHN: my mind doesn’t even.  
JOHN: feel right.  
JOHN: like all that crap about time loops and skaia and predetermination and paradox space.  
JOHN: suddenly started making sense all at once and melted together into white hot enlightenment that sliced through my brain matter like lava.  
JOHN: burning everything in my mind.  
JOHN: so that things will never feel the same again.  
JOHN: and basically.  
JOHN: that was super mega weird.  
JOHN: weirder than hormone-filled explosive sex with alien strangers even ought to be.  
JOHN: because.  
JOHN: aradia.  
JOHN: you are one insane chick.  
ARADIA: that's alright  
ARADIA: i'm ok with that  
ARADIA: i'm ok with a lot of things  



End file.
